Wednesday, July 11, 2012

He Doesn't Love Me!

I've been on a little bit of a hiatus from writing blog posts this year, but I found a little time and thought I would sneak in a post this month.

I've been doing a series on the 26 Common Mental Mistakes according to Dr. Aldo Pucci and his book Feel the Way You Want to Feel...No Matter What! I thought it would be a great idea to continue with the Mental Mistakes, partially because I find them so entertaining, and partially because they're just really helpful to know. So, here we go!

Wife: He doesn't love me!
Me: How do you know he doesn't love you?
Wife: He doesn't take out the trash, he doesn't wash my car, he doesn't offer to do the laundry, he doesn't clean the house, he doesn't make the bed, he doesn't cook me meals
Me: So what is love?
Wife: Love is doing nice things for the person you love.
Me: Is that the only way to love someone?
Wife: Of course! There is no other way to love someone! The only way to show someone you love them is to do nice things for them! Don't you see that he doesn't love me?
Me: What does he do?
Wife: He always wants to hold my hand, or go out and do something, or buy me stuff I don't care about. He never does anything nice for me!

As you can see, this poor wife has an irrational definition of love. She has a rigid, unbending way to define love, and she insists that her way is the only way to define it. Why is this irrational? Because it's not based on ALL the facts. Her husband is actually loving her in many ways. According to Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages, there are at least five basic ways to express love to someone: acts of service, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, and giving gifts. If this wife opens her mind and redefines love, she might find that her husband loves her tremendously and is trying to be creative in showing her how much he loves her. Having this irrational definition of love limits this wife.

What about you? Are there any irrational definitions you have that limit you? How might you change them so that you include a broader definition that is still based on fact?