The second way many of us fallible human beings jump to conclusions is by fortune telling. "Oh, I don't do that! I don't have a crystal ball and try to tell people the future!" That's what I said to myself when I first saw this, but then I got to looking into it. Fortune Telling is forming an opinion on which you would act by predicting the future. It is not saying, "This MIGHT happen", but rather, "I KNOW this will happen," and then acting on that "knowledge".
Here's an example of what fortune telling could look like:
Me: So, how is your dating life going?
Client: Not so good. I'm going to break up with him.
Me: Really? What happened?
Client: Well, I know he's going to break up with me.
Me: How do you know he's going to break up with you?
Client: I just do.
Me: So what you're telling me is that you know he's going to break up with you, so you're going to break up with him first. Seeing as you and I don't have a crystal ball that tells us what the future holds, what evidence do you have that leads you to believe that he's going to break up with you?
Client: He has never had a girlfriend past 3 months, and we're at 2 months and 25 days. We had a big fight yesterday.
Me: Okay, so if we were gambling, we could probably make a lot of money betting that he will break up with you based on the evidence you've presented, right?
Client: Right.
Me: But since neither of us has a crystal ball that tells us for certain what the future holds, what prevents you from having an honest discussion with him about your thoughts and fears with the relationship? What do you have to lose?
Client: I'm afraid he'll break up with me if I'm that vulnerable, and that would be terrible because it would mean that he has rejected me.
Me: Well, certainly no one enjoys being rejected. How important is this relationship to you?
Client: Very.
Me: Okay. Have you ever been rejected before?
Client: Yes.
Me: Did you survive it?
Client: Well, I'm still alive aren't I? Of course I survived!
Me: So do you think it might be worth risking rejection and vulnerability to save this very important relationship?
Client: Yeah, I think it would.
It is good to recognize when we are jumping to conclusions by fortune telling, because it can prevent us from creating self-fulfilling prophecies (SFPs). An SFP is the unintentional creation of the predicted outcome because the person predicted it. In the example above, the client predicted that the relationship would not last past three months. This led to the client being unwilling to be vulnerable and share her true thoughts and feelings with her boyfriend. After closing herself off from the relationship and preemptively breaking up with him (creation of the predicted outcome), she likely would say, "See, I told you the relationship wouldn't last past three months!" An outsider can clearly see, however, that had she been open and honest with her thoughts and feelings even though she believed this to be true, the relationship might have lasted more than three months. There might have been a different outcome.
There is nothing irrational about making an educated guess or prediction for personal guidance. It is when we become CERTAIN that our prediction WILL happen, instead of it merely being LIKELY to happen, that our thinking becomes irrational. Because we cannot accurately predict that we will even take our next breath, the only prediction that we can be CERTAIN of is that we will all one day die.
In order to avoid Fortune Telling and SFPs, make sure you are looking at your situation with all the facts, and you understand what your underlying assumptions are. Take your time formulating your opinions and your actions.
For more on this topic, read Feel the Way You Want to Feel, No Matter What! by Aldo Pucci.
Showing posts with label counseling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label counseling. Show all posts
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Discounting the Positive
Discounting the positive is a mental mistake that is very similar to the mental filter (Pucci, 2006). When people discount the positive, they are often believing some sort of negative thought, and any evidence that comes up to the contrary somehow "doesn't count".
For example, let's say a woman believes that she is bad. After defining the word "bad" to mean that she is innately evil, is worthless, and has nothing good to bring to society, I bring up some points to counter her thinking. Bringing up the fact that the woman has a stable job where she is in charge of several departments yields a response such as, "Yeah, but that doesn't count because they felt sorry for me and kept promoting me even though I'm bad." Bringing up the point that the woman has never harmed anyone, much less murdered them, she replies, "I haven't yet, but I could." Confronting her with the fact that she has a family who loves, supports, and needs her, she replies, "I will probably end up hurting them one day too." This woman is discounting the positive evidence against her negative belief. When she does this, she depresses herself and makes herself quite anxious.
How can we make sure we are not making this mental mistake?
1. To think rationally, we must base our thinking on fact. This means all the facts, not just the ones that we like or that fit with our current beliefs (Pucci, 2006).
2. Ask questions that might disconfirm the already held belief (Roberto, 2009).
3. Decide to entertain competing beliefs (Roberto, 2009).
4. Probe the opinion of experts. If an expert agrees with the already believed thought, ask him or her why they agree with you and what evidence they have that supports or refutes your belief (Roberto, 2009).
Sources:
Pucci, A. R. (2006). The Client's Guide to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: How to live a healthy, happy life...no matter what! New York: iUniverse, Inc.
Roberto, M. A. (2009). The Art of Critical Decision Making Parts I & II. Chantilly, VA: The Teaching Company.
For example, let's say a woman believes that she is bad. After defining the word "bad" to mean that she is innately evil, is worthless, and has nothing good to bring to society, I bring up some points to counter her thinking. Bringing up the fact that the woman has a stable job where she is in charge of several departments yields a response such as, "Yeah, but that doesn't count because they felt sorry for me and kept promoting me even though I'm bad." Bringing up the point that the woman has never harmed anyone, much less murdered them, she replies, "I haven't yet, but I could." Confronting her with the fact that she has a family who loves, supports, and needs her, she replies, "I will probably end up hurting them one day too." This woman is discounting the positive evidence against her negative belief. When she does this, she depresses herself and makes herself quite anxious.
How can we make sure we are not making this mental mistake?
1. To think rationally, we must base our thinking on fact. This means all the facts, not just the ones that we like or that fit with our current beliefs (Pucci, 2006).
2. Ask questions that might disconfirm the already held belief (Roberto, 2009).
3. Decide to entertain competing beliefs (Roberto, 2009).
4. Probe the opinion of experts. If an expert agrees with the already believed thought, ask him or her why they agree with you and what evidence they have that supports or refutes your belief (Roberto, 2009).
Sources:
Pucci, A. R. (2006). The Client's Guide to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: How to live a healthy, happy life...no matter what! New York: iUniverse, Inc.
Roberto, M. A. (2009). The Art of Critical Decision Making Parts I & II. Chantilly, VA: The Teaching Company.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Are You “In Love”? You May be Making a Mental Mistake!
According to Aldo Pucci (2006), MA, DCBT, and author of The Client’s Guide to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Mental Mistake #3 is the mental filter, or, as professor Michael A. Roberto (2009) of Bryant University calls it, the confirmation bias. The mental filter is described as acknowledging only information that is consistent with already believed thoughts. In plain English, it’s like going through life with blinders on.
Have you ever heard the expression “Love is blind”? Well, that concept actually has some merit to it. When we are in love, we often believe that the person we are in love with is perfect for us. We will often overlook, downplay, or even change evidence to the contrary until it fits with what we already have our minds set to think. Later on, after we’ve been married for a while, the blinders come down and we begin to tell each other, “You’ve changed!” While it’s possible that we’ve changed, it could also be that the blinders we had while we were dating have started to come down, and we’re finally seeing the other person as they actually are.
I’ve heard this mistake used in several ways. Some people will believe that they are stupid (despite evidence that they are of at least average intelligence), others that they are worthless (despite evidence of their value), others that they are bad (despite evidence that they are no worse than any other fallible human being), others that their lives are no longer worth living (despite evidence that their unpleasant circumstances are merely temporary), others that their boyfriend/girlfriend is so wonderful and perfect (despite others warning of their criminal, murderous history), others that the Japanese would never bomb Pearl Harbor (Wohlstetter, 1962) (despite evidence that they were on their way), and others that they are the greatest thing that ever happened to the world (despite evidence that they are no better than the above average fallible human being). When they present their evidence for these beliefs, I often chuckle to myself, because I see the mental filter in action!
What can we do about the mental filter?
1. Look at and acknowledge ALL information about a specific belief or situation, not just that information that confirms your belief. Intentionally look for evidence that supports alternative views. Identify a thought or belief that passes the Three Rational Questions but that you may have difficulty believing. Pretend that you are an attorney, and in one week you must present evidence that will convince a jury that the new thought is true. Refuse to make up evidence and provide examples from your life that actually happen. Write down all your evidence.
2. Acknowledge that you can be incorrect in your thinking. List the things you think about the world, yourself, and others that you HOPE are incorrect. Now, look for evidence to support the possibility that you are, in fact, incorrect in thinking these thoughts.
Being aware of the mental filter will help you in many areas of your life, including your love life. Now, go out there and prove yourself wrong!
Sources:
Pucci, A. R. (2006). The Client’s Guide to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: How to Live a Healthy, Happy Life…No Matter What! New York: iUniverse, Inc.
Roberto, M. A. (2009). The Art of Critical Decision Making Parts I & II. Chantilly, VA: The Teaching Company.
Wohlstetter, R. (1962). Pearl Harbor: Warning and Decision. Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press.
Have you ever heard the expression “Love is blind”? Well, that concept actually has some merit to it. When we are in love, we often believe that the person we are in love with is perfect for us. We will often overlook, downplay, or even change evidence to the contrary until it fits with what we already have our minds set to think. Later on, after we’ve been married for a while, the blinders come down and we begin to tell each other, “You’ve changed!” While it’s possible that we’ve changed, it could also be that the blinders we had while we were dating have started to come down, and we’re finally seeing the other person as they actually are.
I’ve heard this mistake used in several ways. Some people will believe that they are stupid (despite evidence that they are of at least average intelligence), others that they are worthless (despite evidence of their value), others that they are bad (despite evidence that they are no worse than any other fallible human being), others that their lives are no longer worth living (despite evidence that their unpleasant circumstances are merely temporary), others that their boyfriend/girlfriend is so wonderful and perfect (despite others warning of their criminal, murderous history), others that the Japanese would never bomb Pearl Harbor (Wohlstetter, 1962) (despite evidence that they were on their way), and others that they are the greatest thing that ever happened to the world (despite evidence that they are no better than the above average fallible human being). When they present their evidence for these beliefs, I often chuckle to myself, because I see the mental filter in action!
What can we do about the mental filter?
1. Look at and acknowledge ALL information about a specific belief or situation, not just that information that confirms your belief. Intentionally look for evidence that supports alternative views. Identify a thought or belief that passes the Three Rational Questions but that you may have difficulty believing. Pretend that you are an attorney, and in one week you must present evidence that will convince a jury that the new thought is true. Refuse to make up evidence and provide examples from your life that actually happen. Write down all your evidence.
2. Acknowledge that you can be incorrect in your thinking. List the things you think about the world, yourself, and others that you HOPE are incorrect. Now, look for evidence to support the possibility that you are, in fact, incorrect in thinking these thoughts.
Being aware of the mental filter will help you in many areas of your life, including your love life. Now, go out there and prove yourself wrong!
Sources:
Pucci, A. R. (2006). The Client’s Guide to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: How to Live a Healthy, Happy Life…No Matter What! New York: iUniverse, Inc.
Roberto, M. A. (2009). The Art of Critical Decision Making Parts I & II. Chantilly, VA: The Teaching Company.
Wohlstetter, R. (1962). Pearl Harbor: Warning and Decision. Stanford, CA: Stanford University Press.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Frequently Asked Questions
What should I expect at my first counseling session?
What should I expect at the following sessions?
How long does a session last?
When can I expect to start feeling better?
How often will my counselor want to see me?
How will I know when I’m done with counseling?
I thought only crazy people and people who can’t handle life are the only people who need counseling. Why should I come to counseling?
How much does counseling cost?
How can I get the most out of my counseling sessions?
Will I have access to my counselor during the week?
Are there any limits to confidentiality?
Where is New Pathways Counseling located?
What should I expect at my first counseling session?
On your first visit, your counselor will greet you and hand you about 5 minutes worth of paperwork. These are the documents showing the counselor’s credentials, fees, privacy policy, and other business related information. After filling out the paperwork, the counselor will bring you inside the counseling room, make sure you are comfortable, explain a few more things about the business side, answer any questions you may have, and then ask you a few questions to get to know you. The counselor is very interested in hearing your story, so this is a good time to begin telling your story. The counselor may ask some questions while you are telling your story to clarify what you are saying. As the session ends, you and the counselor will determine roughly three goals that you have for counseling. The counselor here at New Pathways Counseling often ends the session with a prayer. You have every right to refuse prayer if you are uncomfortable with it. After that, the counselor will schedule your next appointment and take your payment.
Back to top
What should I expect at the following sessions?
Your counselor will use the goals you set in the first session to set up a plan of action to meet those goals. You may ask the counselor what the treatment plan is. The counselor will often ask you what is going on in your life or which goal you would like to work on. Sometimes you will do more talking, and sometimes the counselor will teach a new skill depending on what is going on with you. You will work on your goals for about 40 minutes, and then the counselor will wrap up the session, possibly give you some self-help assignments to do during the week, pray, schedule your next appointment, and take your payment.
Back to top
How long does a session last?
A session usually lasts anywhere from 50 to 90 minutes depending on the client and the content of the session.
Back to top
When can I expect to start feeling better?
Results from counseling are based on the individual, but if you complete the self-help assignments and you put a lot of effort into your mental health, you can expect to start feeling better in as few as four weeks.
Back to top
How often will my counselor want to see me?
In the beginning your counselor will want to see you once a week. When your goals are met, your counselor will spread that out over two, three, or even four weeks to make sure your goals and life changes remain met.
Back to top
How will I know when I’m done with counseling?
When your initial goals are met or are close to being met, the counselor will ask you how you think counseling is going and if you have any other goals you would like to work on. If you believe that your goals have been met and the counselor agrees, the counselor will often schedule a few maintenance or check-up appointments several weeks out to make sure you are still doing well. As long as the changes you have made continue to work for you and you believe you are doing well with few setbacks, the counseling relationship can be put on hold. Because humans are always growing, the door to the counselor’s office is always open if you have any other goals that you would like to meet.
Back to top
I thought only crazy people and people who can’t handle life are the only people who need counseling. Why should I come to counseling?
Most people who come to counseling are regular people with regular problems or regular goals. If you want support, guidance, skills, or steps you can take to meet your goals, counseling is for you. If you know you have some things from your past that are holding you back from reaching your true potential, counseling is for you. If you want your marriage to be better and more satisfying for you and your spouse, counseling is for you. One counselor once said, “Counseling is like indoor plumbing. You can live without it, but why would you want to?”
Back to top
How much does counseling cost?
At New Pathways Counseling, sessions are $80 for a 50 minute session. Many insurance companies will cover counseling, and it is known in insurance circles as “outpatient behavioral health.” Check with your insurance company to see what your benefits are. Many Sevier County residents are uninsured and cannot afford $80 a week. For those clients New Pathways Counseling offers a sliding scale that is based on the client’s gross monthly income and the number of dependents the client claims on their taxes. This scale gives a discount off the $80 and ranges from $40-$80.
Back to top
How can I get the most out of my counseling sessions?
Your counselor will often give self-help assignments for you to complete during the week. Work on those assignments and bring them in with questions. Be active and take charge of your progress. If you are excited about the changes you want to make, you will have much better success and make much progress. Schedule in a time each day (usually around 15 minutes) to practice what your counselor is teaching you. Take notes in session if you have difficulty remembering what was taught or discussed. Journal or write things down so that you can remember them and bring them up in session. Jot down questions or topics you would like to discuss with your counselor as they come up during the week, and bring them in.
Back to top
Will I have access to my counselor during the week?
If you have an emergency, call 911. If you have an issue that you need to discuss with your counselor but is non-emergent, it is best to wait until your appointment time. If you call your counselor and seek counseling advice between appointment times, you will be charged based on the $80 counseling hour. The first 15 minutes are free, but after that charges will accrue in 5 minute segments. For example, if your call lasts 15 minutes and 1 second, you will be charged $20 (15 minutes/60 minutes = .25; .25 x $80 per hour= $20). If your call lasts 20 minutes, you would be charged $26.67. Because this is an unexpected or after hours call, the sliding scale does not apply. If you are simply calling to make, change, or cancel an appointment, these charges will not apply, as those calls usually last roughly 3 minutes at the most.
Back to top
Are there any limits to confidentiality?
Yes. If you are GOING to hurt yourself or someone else, the counselor is required by law to inform that person and law enforcement of your intent. If current child abuse, elder abuse, or abuse of a mentally incapacitated person is reported, the counselor is obligated by law to report those cases to law enforcement. The counselor-client relationship in the state of Tennessee is protected in the same manner as the attorney-client privilege. Therefore, the counselor will not testify for or against the client or release any information to anyone other than in the above mentioned cases unless the client (or the client’s legal guardian) has first signed a statement stating what is to be released and to whom.
Back to top
Where is New Pathways Counseling located?
New Pathways Counseling (NPC) is located at 1110 Oak Cluster Drive, Suite 4, Sevierville, TN 37862. From Veterans Boulevard in Sevierville, turn onto Middle Creek Road. Turn onto Ernest McMahan Road. Go up the hill, and at the bottom of the hill you will see Oak Cluster Center on your right. New Pathways Counseling is located in the back corner of the first building on your right. You will probably feel like you are coming into the back door of the office, but it is the only door into or out of the office.
Back to top
What should I expect at the following sessions?
How long does a session last?
When can I expect to start feeling better?
How often will my counselor want to see me?
How will I know when I’m done with counseling?
I thought only crazy people and people who can’t handle life are the only people who need counseling. Why should I come to counseling?
How much does counseling cost?
How can I get the most out of my counseling sessions?
Will I have access to my counselor during the week?
Are there any limits to confidentiality?
Where is New Pathways Counseling located?
What should I expect at my first counseling session?
On your first visit, your counselor will greet you and hand you about 5 minutes worth of paperwork. These are the documents showing the counselor’s credentials, fees, privacy policy, and other business related information. After filling out the paperwork, the counselor will bring you inside the counseling room, make sure you are comfortable, explain a few more things about the business side, answer any questions you may have, and then ask you a few questions to get to know you. The counselor is very interested in hearing your story, so this is a good time to begin telling your story. The counselor may ask some questions while you are telling your story to clarify what you are saying. As the session ends, you and the counselor will determine roughly three goals that you have for counseling. The counselor here at New Pathways Counseling often ends the session with a prayer. You have every right to refuse prayer if you are uncomfortable with it. After that, the counselor will schedule your next appointment and take your payment.
Back to top
What should I expect at the following sessions?
Your counselor will use the goals you set in the first session to set up a plan of action to meet those goals. You may ask the counselor what the treatment plan is. The counselor will often ask you what is going on in your life or which goal you would like to work on. Sometimes you will do more talking, and sometimes the counselor will teach a new skill depending on what is going on with you. You will work on your goals for about 40 minutes, and then the counselor will wrap up the session, possibly give you some self-help assignments to do during the week, pray, schedule your next appointment, and take your payment.
Back to top
How long does a session last?
A session usually lasts anywhere from 50 to 90 minutes depending on the client and the content of the session.
Back to top
When can I expect to start feeling better?
Results from counseling are based on the individual, but if you complete the self-help assignments and you put a lot of effort into your mental health, you can expect to start feeling better in as few as four weeks.
Back to top
How often will my counselor want to see me?
In the beginning your counselor will want to see you once a week. When your goals are met, your counselor will spread that out over two, three, or even four weeks to make sure your goals and life changes remain met.
Back to top
How will I know when I’m done with counseling?
When your initial goals are met or are close to being met, the counselor will ask you how you think counseling is going and if you have any other goals you would like to work on. If you believe that your goals have been met and the counselor agrees, the counselor will often schedule a few maintenance or check-up appointments several weeks out to make sure you are still doing well. As long as the changes you have made continue to work for you and you believe you are doing well with few setbacks, the counseling relationship can be put on hold. Because humans are always growing, the door to the counselor’s office is always open if you have any other goals that you would like to meet.
Back to top
I thought only crazy people and people who can’t handle life are the only people who need counseling. Why should I come to counseling?
Most people who come to counseling are regular people with regular problems or regular goals. If you want support, guidance, skills, or steps you can take to meet your goals, counseling is for you. If you know you have some things from your past that are holding you back from reaching your true potential, counseling is for you. If you want your marriage to be better and more satisfying for you and your spouse, counseling is for you. One counselor once said, “Counseling is like indoor plumbing. You can live without it, but why would you want to?”
Back to top
How much does counseling cost?
At New Pathways Counseling, sessions are $80 for a 50 minute session. Many insurance companies will cover counseling, and it is known in insurance circles as “outpatient behavioral health.” Check with your insurance company to see what your benefits are. Many Sevier County residents are uninsured and cannot afford $80 a week. For those clients New Pathways Counseling offers a sliding scale that is based on the client’s gross monthly income and the number of dependents the client claims on their taxes. This scale gives a discount off the $80 and ranges from $40-$80.
Back to top
How can I get the most out of my counseling sessions?
Your counselor will often give self-help assignments for you to complete during the week. Work on those assignments and bring them in with questions. Be active and take charge of your progress. If you are excited about the changes you want to make, you will have much better success and make much progress. Schedule in a time each day (usually around 15 minutes) to practice what your counselor is teaching you. Take notes in session if you have difficulty remembering what was taught or discussed. Journal or write things down so that you can remember them and bring them up in session. Jot down questions or topics you would like to discuss with your counselor as they come up during the week, and bring them in.
Back to top
Will I have access to my counselor during the week?
If you have an emergency, call 911. If you have an issue that you need to discuss with your counselor but is non-emergent, it is best to wait until your appointment time. If you call your counselor and seek counseling advice between appointment times, you will be charged based on the $80 counseling hour. The first 15 minutes are free, but after that charges will accrue in 5 minute segments. For example, if your call lasts 15 minutes and 1 second, you will be charged $20 (15 minutes/60 minutes = .25; .25 x $80 per hour= $20). If your call lasts 20 minutes, you would be charged $26.67. Because this is an unexpected or after hours call, the sliding scale does not apply. If you are simply calling to make, change, or cancel an appointment, these charges will not apply, as those calls usually last roughly 3 minutes at the most.
Back to top
Are there any limits to confidentiality?
Yes. If you are GOING to hurt yourself or someone else, the counselor is required by law to inform that person and law enforcement of your intent. If current child abuse, elder abuse, or abuse of a mentally incapacitated person is reported, the counselor is obligated by law to report those cases to law enforcement. The counselor-client relationship in the state of Tennessee is protected in the same manner as the attorney-client privilege. Therefore, the counselor will not testify for or against the client or release any information to anyone other than in the above mentioned cases unless the client (or the client’s legal guardian) has first signed a statement stating what is to be released and to whom.
Back to top
Where is New Pathways Counseling located?
New Pathways Counseling (NPC) is located at 1110 Oak Cluster Drive, Suite 4, Sevierville, TN 37862. From Veterans Boulevard in Sevierville, turn onto Middle Creek Road. Turn onto Ernest McMahan Road. Go up the hill, and at the bottom of the hill you will see Oak Cluster Center on your right. New Pathways Counseling is located in the back corner of the first building on your right. You will probably feel like you are coming into the back door of the office, but it is the only door into or out of the office.
Back to top
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