This Is TERRIBLE! (Or Horrible, Or Awful, Or a Catastrophe, Or The-End-Of-The World, Or Devastating, Etc...)

Catastrophizing (kuh-TASS-truh-feye-zing), or believing ourselves to be so inept that we cannot effectively deal with a situation, often leads us to view situations as worse than they actually are. We describe these situations or events as terrible, horrible, awful, devastating, catastophic, end-of-the-world types of scenarios rather than situations we actually have some control over. When we think about situations this way, we tend to create so much anxiety around the situations that we cause ourselves to freeze and to completely forget that we may in fact have some influence over this situation after all.

Research has shown (Yerkes, 1908) that there is an optimal level of arousal for every task. For example, to rescue your child from a burning building takes quite a bit of arousal, but too much arousal might leave you frozen in the front yard. Too little arousal might lead you not care and the child would not be rescued. Now imagine if that high amount of arousal were present when you were to give an oral presentation in front of a crowd. You would likely be too aroused to effectively remember what you had so diligently prepared. In that situation, less arousal is required to optimally perform the task.

Sometimes we believe that there are situations that are objectively awful, terrible, hideous, devastating, or catastrophic. But again, these situations are not objectively awful. If they were, everyone would think exactly the same way about them. Let's take the recent recession as an example. Many people view the recession as horrible, awful, or even devastating. And yet some people, like those who buy and sell gold for a living, are finding this recession to actually be profitable. If a recession were objectively awful, everyone would see it as awful.

Because there is no such thing as an objectively terrible situation, we are free to label anything as terrible. When we do, we upset ourselves and make ourselves miserable. We have another freedom here, though, that we never really think about. If we can label something as terrible, we can also label the same thing as unfortunate, undesirable, or unpleasant but survivable. It is a good idea to keep in mind that there is also no event or situation that is objectively unpleasant. So adding in the words, "for me" to your description of your situation helps you to calmly, rationally deal with that situation to help you to meet your goals. For example, changing a statement from, "This recession is completely devastating!" to, "This recession is unfortunate for me and my family, and I dislike it!" helps us to maintain an optimal level of arousal about the situation, and it places us in a much better position to correct the situation than labelling the situation as devastating, terrible, horrible, or awful.

So remember, if you hear yourself using the words, "terrible", "horrible", "awful", "devastating", etc., to describe your situation or a feared event, replace those words with, "unfortunate for me." You will find that you are much more effective at dealing with situations than you thought!

For more on this topic, read Aldo Pucci's The Client's Guide to Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy.

Yerkes, R. & Dodson, J. (1908). The relation of strength of stimulus to rapidity of habit-formation. Journal of Caparative Neurology and Psychology , 18 459-482.

Do You Have a Crystal Ball?

The second way many of us fallible human beings jump to conclusions is by fortune telling.  "Oh, I don't do that!  I don't have a crystal ball and try to tell people the future!"  That's what I said to myself when I first saw this, but then I got to looking into it.  Fortune Telling is forming an opinion on which you would act by predicting the future.  It is not saying, "This MIGHT happen", but rather, "I KNOW this will happen," and then acting on that "knowledge".


Here's an example of what fortune telling could look like:

Me: So, how is your dating life going?

Client: Not so good.  I'm going to break up with him.

Me: Really? What happened?

Client: Well, I know he's going to break up with me.

Me: How do you know he's going to break up with you?

Client: I just do.

Me: So what you're telling me is that you know he's going to break up with you, so you're going to break up with him first.  Seeing as you and I don't have a crystal ball that tells us what the future holds, what evidence do you have that leads you to believe that he's going to break up with you?

Client: He has never had a girlfriend past 3 months, and we're at 2 months and 25 days.  We had a big fight yesterday.

Me: Okay, so if we were gambling, we could probably make a lot of money betting that he will break up with you based on the evidence you've presented, right?

Client: Right.

Me: But since neither of us has a crystal ball that tells us for certain what the future holds, what prevents you from having an honest discussion with him about your thoughts and fears with the relationship?  What do you have to lose?

Client: I'm afraid he'll break up with me if I'm that vulnerable, and that would be terrible because it would mean that he has rejected me.

Me: Well, certainly no one enjoys being rejected. How important is this relationship to you?

Client: Very.

Me: Okay. Have you ever been rejected before?

Client: Yes.

Me: Did you survive it?

Client: Well, I'm still alive aren't I? Of course I survived!

Me: So do you think it might be worth risking rejection and vulnerability to save this very important relationship?

Client: Yeah, I think it would.

It is good to recognize when we are jumping to conclusions by fortune telling, because it can prevent us from creating self-fulfilling prophecies (SFPs). An SFP is the unintentional creation of the predicted outcome because the person predicted it.  In the example above, the client predicted that the relationship would not last past three months.  This led to the client being unwilling to be vulnerable and share her true thoughts and feelings with her boyfriend.  After closing herself off from the relationship and preemptively breaking up with him (creation of the predicted outcome), she likely would say, "See, I told you the relationship wouldn't last past three months!" An outsider can clearly see, however, that had she been open and honest with her thoughts and feelings even though she believed this to be true, the relationship might have lasted more than three months.  There might have been a different outcome.

There is nothing irrational about making an educated guess or prediction for personal guidance. It is when we become CERTAIN that our prediction WILL happen, instead of it merely being LIKELY to happen, that our thinking becomes irrational. Because we cannot accurately predict that we will even take our next breath, the only prediction that we can be CERTAIN of is that we will all one day die.


In order to avoid Fortune Telling and SFPs, make sure you are looking at your situation with all the facts, and you understand what your underlying assumptions are.  Take your time formulating your opinions and your actions.

For more on this topic, read Feel the Way You Want to Feel, No Matter What! by Aldo Pucci.

Make a Plan!

Do you panic?  Do you have flashbacks that are difficult to control?  Do you have suicidal or depressive thoughts that lead you to situations that may not be in  your best interest?  One thing that helps many people in these situations is to have a written plan.

How do you do this?  While you are calm, think back to a time when you were panicking, suicidal, depressed, having flashbacks, or generally just behaving in a way that wasn’t working for you.  Think of some things that you could have done in that moment to snap yourself out of that thinking.  Think of things you could have done differently that would have led to less exposure to trauma, more structured or rational thinking, or even just a healthier response.  Write those things down on a 4x6 index card.

Now think of where you are when you experience those symptoms.  Put your index card in an easily accessible and visible place in the area where you are when you experience those symptoms.

For example, if you typically experience panic thoughts and symptoms while driving, make an index card plan and put it on your visor.  That way, when you begin to feel the thoughts and symptoms coming on, you can easily see that you have other options and you know what to do to stop those thoughts and symptoms before they overwhelm you.

Here is an example of what this could look like for someone who often panics while driving:

1. Find a parking lot and pull in.  If no lot is available, pull onto the shoulder.  If no shoulder is available, pull into a driveway or onto a side road with little traffic.

2. Take a few deep, calming breaths.

3. Assess thinking.

4. Apply the 3 rational questions.

5. Read over the list of replacement thoughts that are located on the opposite side of the visor.

6. Continue to breathe deeply, read the list, and apply the 3 rational questions until calm enough to drive safely.

Having a plan like this can make all the difference in a panic situation, and can calm the situation down much more quickly than just riding out the panic with no plan.  Take the time today to plan ahead and take care of yourself.  You are worth it!

Is it True That God Will Not Allow Me to Face Something Beyond What I Can Bear?

1 Cor 10:13: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Every now and then a client will come in to my office and tell me that the Bible says that God will not allow them to face a trial that he or she cannot bear. This is absolutely not what the Bible says! The actual verse that they are referring to, 1 Corinthians 10:13, states that God will not allow us to be TEMPTED beyond what we can bear. Those are two different things entirely.

The way many people interpret this verse implies that people do not need God other than for Him to be their personal gatekeeper and judge of what they can bear. In reality, God often has us face insurmountable circumstances in order to draw us into a deeper dependence on Him, to glorify Him, to allow Him to teach us something, to allow us to be able to have a deeper compassion for others, or for myriad other reasons. The point is that He DOES allow us to face circumstances beyond what we can bear alone, but there is no circumstance that is bigger than what He can bear. If we depend on Him and allow Him to work in our lives, we can overcome anything!

If we take a look at Job, we can get pretty clear idea that this is true. Job was a man of God. He routinely made sacrifices to the Lord both for himself and for his own children. God and Satan had a talk, and because Job had such faith, God recommended that Satan take a look at him. Satan attacked. Job lost all his cattle (his means of making money), his camels (his means of transportation and also making money), and all his children (his heart). All that was left was his wife, a few friends, his relationship with God, and his health. Satan attacked again and took his health. Now, if ever there was a hopeless situation, Job faced it! Is this situation beyond what Job could have borne? I believe it was. He was left with nothing, and after a long struggle in his faith, he grew tremendously, learned great lessons from the Lord, and everything he lost was restored two-fold. In this example from the old testament, we see that God really does allow us to face trials that are beyond what we can bear!

This verse, however, is actually speaking of temptation. God is in control, and although He does not tempt us (that would be against His holy and righteous nature), He provides alternative ways out of temptations other than simply caving in to the temptation.

One way to look at temptation is through the lens of Patrick Carnes’ Addiction Cycle. Carnes states that our addictions come from family wounds, which lead us to feel shame. In order to rid ourselves of that feeling of shame, we fantasize about what we could do to remove that shame. We dwell on getting rid of the pain of shame and our minds become preoccupied with the notion that whatever substance we choose will rid us of our shame. The phase in the cycle is ritual. This is where we obtain our substance of choice and get ourselves ready to indulge. We might buy from the same person, go to the same website, set up our room in a certain way, travel to the place where we normally indulge, all to get ready to fully indulge ourselves in our temptation. The next step is acting out, which is using the substance or going through with the behavior. Our shame is usually satisfied, FOR A LITTLE WHILE. Then the final step occurs. It is the step of despair. This stage involves feeling the shame again, knowing that our indulgence didn’t work out the way we wanted it to, and an overall bad feeling. The cycle begins again when we begin fantasizing again about what we can do to get rid of the feeling of despair. Carnes’ Cycle of Addiction looks like this:

Why would I bring up the cycle of addiction when I speak about temptation? Every one of us is addicted to sin, and Satan tempts us with sin all the time. Knowing that we face this cycle every time we are faced with temptation can help us to overcome our temptation.

God can intervene at any point in the cycle of addiction. He can help you to forgive your family wounds and get rid of them. He can remove your shame. He can refocus your mind to keep you from fantasizing that your temptation will solve all your problems. He can intervene and prevent you from obtaining whatever it is that tempts you. He can remove your opportunities to use, indulge, or give in to your temptation. He can move you from despair to hope. He can do all of this, but we have to allow Him to. If we expect God to help us overcome our temptations, it’s time to figure out where we are in the cycle of sin and ask Him to intervene there. Then we can ask Him to intervene and free us from the family wounds and shame that led us to be tempted in the first place!

Technorati Tags: temptation,1 Cor. 10:13,God allows us to face circumstances,beyond I can bear,Carnes' Cycle of Addiction,cycle of addiction,addiction cycle,Bible,need for God,family wounds,shame,acting out,despair